What Should I Wear? To a Formal Event

Pamela Lutrell wears pants for a formal event

I do not know if any of you are like me, but when I am faced with what I should wear to a formal event, it is the toughest situation of them all!  I immediately lapse into Formal-Attire-Shopping-Anxiety!

Months ago, my husband told me we were to be guests at this year’s Marine Ball in San Antonio.  He has a friend who he loves and respects so much, who is a retired Marine and works at the same company as my husband.  He was thrilled to be asked to attend this event.  It is full of honor, pageantry, patriotism and fun.

Marine Ball 2019 San Antonio TX

My stomach immediately began to hurt, as it does anytime we are asked to go to a formal event.  I asked others who had attended the Marine Ball and universally they said, YES! You need a gown.  I read blogs.  One blog went so far as to say, “If you are not going to wear heels, then just don’t go!”  Seriously?  I could see me telling my husband…Sorry honey, I cannot attend because I have hammer toes!

Shopping for an evening gown is an issue I have dreaded and faced many times.  The last event I attended was a formal wedding during the holidays and I wore a gown and felt like the Goodyear Blimp all evening.  Any way, the first issue is money.  In order to find something that is flattering and appropriately youthful, it costs.  When formal events are not an everyday occurrence, then the cost per wear goes up and it is difficult to justify the expense.

In the more affordable lines, the designs are just…..well, wrong.  Most of them have serious fit issues.  They are way too tight and if you move upwards in size then they are too big in a few areas.  Adding the costs of alterations again becomes difficult to justify.  Design options for those of us who are curvy often result in looking like we are 90!  So, the options become to look like sausage or like a great, great grandmother rather than the grandmother I am.  I hope some budding designer is listening.  There is an opening and opportunity for the collection that gets this right!

This shopping always brings me to tears in a dressing room somewhere.  I shopped for months for this event.

Of course, some of you are thinking….RENT THE GOWN.  Again, for larger ladies, it is not that easy.  To rent means facing time to receive the clothing and return the clothing.  After shopping for so many gowns, I am not convinced I would hit it first order. I do not have time to play RENT THE RUNWAY Bingo.

So, a couple of weeks ago, in a dressing room, surrounded by frustration and garments which did not fit, I looked in the mirror and said, “Dare I have the courage to be me and wear pants?”  I feel more confident and comfortable in pants….but could I pull it off in a ballroom full of gowns?

I selected some pant outfits to take home and try on for my husband plus I took a couple of possible gown- options so he could see for himself what I face.

Pamela Lutrell attends Marine Ball 2019

Thank goodness, he agreed.  The pants I am wearing are tuxedo pants by Chico’s and have a velvet tuxedo stripe up the leg.  After looking at some lovely tops, we decided we liked this Alex Evening from Dillard’s the best.

Over 50 Feeling 40 in tuxedo pants from Chico's

What was even better…I had it already in my closet because I did wear it to a fashion evening event a couple of years ago. But, I wore it over flowy dress pants and again did not feel confident.  This set is still available and I have it in the slide show below.

Marine Ball San Antonio 2019

Did I feel out of place?  Actually, no.  There were female Marines in their dress blues and one other woman I saw in a formal pant outfit.  But, I did feel appropriate and confident. I believe I would have felt that way if I was the only woman in pants.

Pamela Lutrell in Rockport flats for a formal event

My lovely flat shoes are by Rockport…very comfy and I am so glad I did not listen to the woman who said stay home.  Although I did see some gorgeous shoes, like these. 

 

Over 50 Feeling 40 finds high heels at Marine Ball

My other accessories included these lovely clip earrings I found at Steinmart, very comfy, and a vintage handbag from one of our family members.  The nail color…I just love it…is called Vampsterdam by OPI.  It is gorgeous.

Pamela Lutrell accessories for a formal event

Finally, I want to thank the Marines and all of the men and women who serve us and protect us and put their lives on the line for us.  It was an honor to spend an evening with so many of these brave, inspiring individuals in one room.  It is kind of silly I get so stressed over a dress when going to an event that represents so much more than my outfit.  I think often when we hear the words ball…formal…wedding…evening…that if we are older and curvier…we make more of it than we need to.  From now on I am just going to go as “me” and not worry about trying to be someone else.

Does anyone else have the same Formal-Attire-Shopping-Anxieties that I get?  Please share if you know what I am talking about…………..

 

And join me as we

KEEP SMILING!!

37 Comments

  1. I think you look positively lively! But, more importantly, you feel confident. Nothing looks good on someone if they don’t feel comfortable and positive in it. Good for you for being brave enough to ” buck the system”. Maybe you gave some of the other women there the courage to wear what they might feel like wearing next time. I love the silver shoes! I could never wear them, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate them. I have arthritis in my feet, and my heel days are long gone. Again, good on ya, girl!

  2. You looked lovely. Your choices were completely appropriate. My husband was a career Marine. We have been to many balls both overseas and stateside. My favorite part is the ceremony. What ages were the youngest and oldest Marines at your event? Yes, the Marine Corps Ball is always inspiring.

  3. I am sure many women wished they had made the same decision you did. You look beautiful and confident and were comfortable enough to actually enjoy the evening. I attend 5-6 formal events every year and after 20 years, I am starting to wear what I want. After 7 foot surgeries I cannot do heels either. More women should follow your lead

  4. The ceremony was wonderful! I know the youngest was an 18 year old woman but I am not sure the age of the oldest though he was quite elderly. It was an honor to attend.

  5. I shop the sales for formal wear always looking for dressy tops I can wear with my chiffon pants. The short, navy taffeta dress I wore to a September wedding cost $22! I don’t have foot issues but I want to be comfortable; I have dressy navy as well as black embellished heels. Been looking for some gold or silver lower heels with no luck. At 68 I want to look classic and fresh. Your outfit is perfect for the Marine Ball; we used to attend the Navy ball.

  6. Pam, your outfit looks very appropriate to me and very, very pretty!! Very “dressy” for any formal occasion!

  7. Alex Evening has been my ‘go to’ for so many events, but I still stress out – is it formal enough, too formal, etc. . Love the sparkly top! And yes, when you are comfortable, you feel more confident.

  8. Top and bottom separates is my usual go to. I’m 5’3” but my shoulders are broad, my arms are longish and I’m short waisted. Having a “special” long skirt and long pants that flow straight from my hips provide the flexibility to concentrate on the top, sweater, jacket, blouse, etc. and honestly the top is usually the focus. Evidenced by the beautiful picture of you at the table. (The mix and match also allows you to keep the outfit fresh and new.) The added bonus of a long skirt and pant will go a long way to remove focus from your shoe.

  9. When I worked full time I had to attend a lot of formal events and my go-to was always the “little black dress.” I still have a closet full of them, more than I’ll wear the rest of my life now that I’m retired and working part time in a job that would never require formal wear. I do love to dress up and am not ready to part with my dresses. Silver dress shoes and some dressy jewelry and I didn’t even have to put much thought into the outfit other than is it hot or cold outside?

  10. As I wrote, Nina, if I could find dress designs that fit and flattered, I would so be in a dress! But, sadly for my body type there are few options. I am glad you have dresses you love and bring you confidence!

  11. You looked terrific, as per your usual! I remember my mother making an emerald satin gown to attend the Marine Ball with my father. It was the simplest of shapes, but her evening accessories made her look like a princess to me.

  12. I haven’t attended a formal event in many years & have to admit I am happy about that for all the reasons you stated, Formal clothing does seem to fall into two distinct types. It is either for the young & thin or for the matron, & the cost is outlandish. I think your choice was beautiful. As for the person who said wear heels or stay home, she is bound to change her mind when she suffers foot problems from wearing those heels all the time. I am the voice of experience.

  13. You are so right, Becky! My podiatrist said my foot problems were from my high heel years!

  14. Well done! I think this is why some cruiseships offer “no formal/costume night” cruises. Makes for easier packing too.

    I have turned down formal event invitations in the past, because of the cost. I even declined my office Christmas party because I couldn’t afford the banquet tickets, transportation, hotel and evening gown. The event was held at a resort. My bosses went, though.The irony was that they gave me a gift of tickets to see a performance of A Christmas Carol! Tiny Tim and me.

  15. I love your outfit and think you look youthful and gorgeous! I recently attended a wedding that was described as semi.-formal or dressy evening attire. Like you, I searched for months looking for a dress ((which I don’t wear anymore), and ended up wearing a dressy skirt/top that I have had for years, and red silk kimono jacket over it, and yes, heels! I was uncomfortable the entire time and my feet hurt so bad I could hardly walk in them by the end of the evening. Thanks so much Pam for sharing your experience. I too found that I was focusing so much on how I looked that it really took a lot of joy out of the event. Getting older has been very difficult for me, with physical and mental challenges. I appreciate how candid you are in sharing a little piece of your life each week — and realize now that I am not alone in this journey. Thanks so much!

  16. You looked terrific at the Marine birthday event. I have been to several and many of the women wore pants, dressy tops and flats including me. In fact, it has been many years since I wore a long dress and now I don’t own one. Rock on, Pam!

  17. I LOVE your outfit! If my husband told me we had to go to a formal event, I’d probably break out in hives!
    I agree with what you said about purchasing a gown. We’ve downsized, so I have no room for “once-in-a-blue-moon” clothing (or kitchen utensils, for that matter!). If I had been invited to such an event, I would have made the same choice as you did. I would have felt comfortable as ME, rather than uncomfortable trying to meet the standards of other people who I will likely never see again!
    Way to go!!

  18. Good for you Pam in following your heart and your fashion sense, as you looked marvelous! For myself I always have loved formal events and at the mere age of nineteen, since the job that I had was in Public Relations/Facilitation (for a major airlines) it was not unusual to attend such on a very regular basis; often hosted by foreign embassies where many of the guests were diplomats/dignitaries. So needless to say, I learned very quickly what attire was appropriate for similar . Fast forward; and fifty-four years later if/when the occasion arises I still feel the best arsenal in one’s wardrobe is a black and stylish dress in a high-end fabric, simplistic in design (no buttons) and preferably sleeveless that can be accessorized in a variety of ways. i.e.: If the order is glitz – a sequined, beaded, or velvet jacket/shrug/wrap, a rhinestone belt, etc. etc. to name a few options that will not necessarily ‘put you in the poor house’. All said and as mentioned previously; my son is a fashion (couture) designer and claims that the simple little black dress/gown is still one of the most frequently requested by his clients for formal and black-tie events. As for shoes; that is a whole different subject but since manufacturers have come a long way in selection; IMHO comfort should not have to be sacrificed for style as you have proven. -Brenda-

  19. Hah! At 74, I hope never to go to another formal event in my life. Comfort is key these days. Dressing nicely, fine, but please no pressure to dress to impress. You did a splendid job of looking great while being yourself. As usual. I’m sorry you had to struggle to fend off other’s expectations.

  20. At last those jitters have a label: FESA for short. Now they’re ‘recognised’ makes formal events garb less anxious making, I hope ?

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