over50feeling40: The Purple Shield Against the Silent Sword
Fashion and Lifestyle Blog for women over 50 to help achieve strength, confidence, joy, inspiration, and, of course, head-turning personal style!

Oct 5, 2011

The Purple Shield Against the Silent Sword



Purple Blouse: Coldwater Creek
Silk Jacket: Chico's
Brown Pants: Jana Kos
Scarf:  Garment Exchange




During the time of the Roman Empire, purple cloth was worn by royalty…the people in power. While that might make some of you cringe and hate what was worn by the “privileged,” I prefer to look at it as the color with power. So, I want to flex that power a little and join in with the ladies at Southern Comfort to raise my voice against Domestic Violence.


My heart is particularly with those abused verbally…because though a fist may not touch a face, verbal abuse is just as harmful, hurtful, and deadly. Many women will tolerate verbal abuse longer, because it is not physical, not realizing the damage it is doing to them mentally or to their children.


Ring:  Stein Mart


I once knew a little girl. She lived in a home where screaming, fighting, demoralizing, and ugliness were on the daily agenda. At five years of age, she would run to the front porch of her home, hold her knees to her chest, rock back and forth, and pull every eyelash out of her eyes. It was a nervous reaction to the tension in her home. But, of course, no one knew that. As she grew, she turned to music, reading, and writing for escape….but, continued to pull every eyelash out. She did not want anyone to know that it was by her own hand, so she endured all of the doctor’s appointments her mother scheduled in an effort to find why the eyelashes were “falling out.”
Look in her eyes...really look in her eyes....but no one looked to really see.








She endured her mother rubbing Vaseline on her eyes every night….doctors said that lubrication would make the lashes grow. She endured her father telling her that she was a mental case and weird in his eyes.


These chocolate brown Jana Kos knit pants feel amazing
and fit even better.






But, one day a revelation occurred. It happened a few weeks into her freshman year at college. She stared into a mirror to see new eyelashes growing….thick and untouched. At that moment, she realized, “I’m out of the house. I am going to be OK.”








Her mother did not fair as well. She not only endured the verbal abuse from her husband, but she had been raised in it under her own alcoholic father. After years of hearing, “You are so stupid,” “Shut Up,” and “I will leave you penniless and spend all of our money on my pleasure,” she is now penniless…dependent on Social Security to live…and an angry, bitter woman.



Yes, this is my story. Verbal abuse is that invisible sword which plunges deep into a heart.  Why do I put such an intense testimony on a fashion page?  To help remind you...I overcame the abuse.  It took the grace of God and support of many, but I am an overcomer. So, reach out.  Help those you know who live under it. Help them to see it is not their fault and they have much to offer. Help them to have the strength to walk away. Help them, so that at age 86, they will not be wasting away, eaten up by anger.


And if you want to join the rest of us in taking a stand against Domestic Violence…then pull out your purple and your voice....make sure your link back to Southern Comfort Painfully Aware

Eyelashes by God!
with a little help from
Cover Girl!!

18 comments:

  1. Awww hunnie.....you are truly amazing!! and super strong!!! Thanks for sharing your personal story.....Im sure you will help someone and not even know it with this post:)

    Have a great day girlie!!


    Enter my FAB Forever 21 Giveaway!!

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  2. Pam, thank you for your courage in sharing this. You are an amazing woman - confident, strong and beautiful, and I never guessed that this is how your life began. My respect and appreciation of you grows and grows!

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  3. Pam, thanks for sharing....your story brought a tear to my eyes. It's so true, we don't know what goes on at home. Emotional abuse also kills us inside, usually the abuse is not seen by others either, the abuser appears to be a 'nice guy' to the public. I am thankful that you were able to over come it. God is good! Once again, you look great!

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  4. Thank you for sharing - I only hope your story will inspire many! You should be so proud!

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  5. Thanks for sharing your story, Pam. I applaud your courage and self-knowledge. Domestic abuse can be a tough pattern to break. My mother was the abusive one in our family, and for a while I tended to get involved with men who mirrored her critical view of me. I credit some end-of-marriage counseling after my first marriage, ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics, a 12-step program) and doing a lot of reading with helping me to see the patterns and break them.

    We need to continue to speak out, to share our stories, to let others still trapped in these situations know that they are not alone.

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  6. Thanks for sharing your story and I am sure that someone who reads this post will benefit from your being so honest!

    chatterfromtexas
    and
    Note Cards and Photos by Theresa

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  7. Hi Pam, I found you via Pseu and I'm so glad I came to visit. Thank you for this inspiring post! I too spent many years overcoming a history of abuse growing up in a dysfunctional family. It can take a lifetime of therapy, reading and in my case writing about the experience on my blog to find peace. I agree with Pseu that we need to continue to speak out and share our stories.

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  8. Pam, thank you for baring your soul and sharing your story. I too lived in a home with verbal abuse and also physical abuse. Today, my father does not understand why I don't care if I see him.
    We do need to speak out. For far too long people did not realize how verbal abuse can be so damaging.
    On a lighter note, your outfit is beautiful. The pants look like they fit you perfectly!

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  9. Pam - thank you for sharing this. I wish you many more happy years, outside that house.

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  10. So proud of you Pam.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  11. kudo's to jumping on board using your voice to raise awareness of Domestic Abuse
    this month is so full of breast cancer awareness, the other takes a back seat
    i will be doing a little nod to this cause on my blog on friday
    brett

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  12. Pam, I'm very inspired by your story. Thank you for sharing it. Out of great despair and pain you have become strong and lovely and through your story, others will be able to speak out.

    xoxo,
    Tracy

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  13. Verbal abuse is like a silent killer. My mother in law also pulled out her eyelashes--she never overcame it--
    so proud of you for facing your nightmares..my mother in law never could and it was such a waste.
    Hope that others will be able to share their pain too.

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  14. Pam, thank you for your courageous self disclosure and for raising awareness about domestic violence and for your link to Southern Comfort. I worked on a number of domestic violence teams during my mental health career, and am aware of the pain and suffering that this lethal form of violence perpetrates on victims. Congratulations on transcending your experience! And, your outfit is great!

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  15. You are brave to share your story. I am glad things have worked out so well for you and your eyelashes are gorgeous...

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  16. Thanks for drawing attention to verbal abuse -- too often ignored or dismissed, but truly soul-deadening. Kudos to you for triumphing over this, and for being such a positive force.

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  17. Pam, I read your post this morning. It was way to much for me to comment on at that time. I didn't have my "armor" on yet.
    I think many of us have lived through this and really don't call it what it is. In fact it is abuse. If we work together we can make a difference........I'm not comfortable yet to put out my story. I appreciate your bravery!
    Thank you for being my bloggy friend.

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  18. Thanks for sharing your story.

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Thanks so much for joining in our conversation today! I appreciate your time and love hearing from you!